I recieved a sms from one of my ex colleague yesterday..
She had given birth to a baby boy @ 1733hrs !!!
Wow... I'm so happy for her...
Had been a long time since i last saw her..
Really glad she informed me...
Last year i just attended her wedding...
With ril of coz...
Time really past so fast..
Been one year already...
She got a bb and i got a break up..
Hahaha.. wow.. Wat a way to compare isnt it...
Anyways....
Congratulation Ros !!
U did wonderful !! Proud of u gal...

Recieving that sms made me have a mix feelings of happiness and sadness..
Im of coz happy for her...
At the same time..
I missed him again..
Coz i thought of the day we went to her wedding together..
Its on the 7th aug...
That was the day we went to out to celebrate our 1st anniversary too...
I even told him...
"I also want a grand wedding !! I dun care !!"..
He just give me the "Wokie" look..
hahaha...
haila.. i miss him...

Ok.. Back to the present..
IM FALLING SICK !!
The flu bug had caught me........
Of coz lah... 2 person sleeping in the room is sick..
Im sleeping in a room full of virus flying ard...
I sound like a man now..
Hahahah.. Thats wat ril always say me when im sick...
Unfeeling creature..
Hahhah...

I cannot be sick...
So many appointments waiting for me !!!
Got to work somemore....
Shit.....
Lionel... I need yr longan tea !!
Quick !!!
Hahahha...

Wah... Been so long since i last blogged...
So many things to update...
Lets skip the nagging parts..
Been busy planning stuffs nowadays...
So many things to look forward now..
Firstly... This Friday... Got to wash lionel's car just to use his com.. SHIT !!
Lots of things to be done that day too...
Secondly... Kee lin Bday !!!!!! 9th of sept..
Thirdly... Sheila's Bday !!! 10th of sept...
Foruthly... Zan's Bday !!! 16th of sept...
Then comes The Princess Bday !! Thats me !!! 17th of sept !! turning 20 !!
I just cant wait !!!
Fifth... mummy bday... 22nd sept...
Sixth... THE BLACK EYE PEA CONCERT !! Im going.. im going.. yeah yeah.. im going..
Next... Lionel's commission parade.. hmmm i think 2 oct...
After that is Lionel's commission ball !! im his partner u see.. *wink*
Then comes my new job.. hopefully...
Soon after !! KL trip with the group !!!
Wooohhhoooo !! Cant wait !!

We only live once...
Make full use of it...
I learnt it in a hard way..
But who cares..
Its over now...
Although i cant lie saying i dun miss him..
But come to think of it...
Why miss him when he dun even miss u?
Waste yr brain cells only..

KEE LIN !!! I WILL SURVIVE !!!
Seriously... the love between frenz deserve to be cherish more..
Becoz they wont leave u for bullshit reasons..
And they will stay by my side when im at my lowest peak..
Zhi hao and Kee lin accompany me at work from 9am-3.30 pm leh..
Follow me climb Bt Timah Hill..
Listen to all my sorrows..
Just to make me feel better...
So sweet..
Appreciate it guys...

Ash did a wonderful job too..
She accompany me to Lot 1 yesterday, just to face the reality..
Listen to me nag and nag and nag..
Hahahah..
She even say im much prettier now !!
Compliments are the best gal !!

Of coz.. Not forgetting Lionel...
Wat comes ard goes ard...
I learnt it already...
Thank u for being there...
Thanx for all the "grill words into my brain" session..
Make me understand that there is no win or lose situation in relationship..
Just pure fate..
So wat is mine is mine..
If its not mine then wat the heck !!
No use forcing...
And to wake up in the middle of the night just to help me through it..
Also to lionel's mum who spoil me with a fantasic dinner last friday..
hahahaha..

Time will heal everything...
I have a long road infront of me..
Wat past is past..
Ppl dun bring happiness to u..
U bring happiness to yrself..

Now all im looking forward is to have fun !!
So many parties coming up..
Not forgetting mine..
Thought this year i could spent my bday with him..
Coz he promised to make up to me this year..
he had chicken pox on my 19th bday u see..
Hahaha...
Oh well...
Its all fated !!

Love is so weird isnt it?
It can change instantly without warning...
To let go really must take lots of determination..
Promises made to me can be broken so easily...
Am i still suppose to be crying...
Coz i cant help filling my eyes with tears now and then..

I missed him but in return,
Do he miss me?
Or i dun even cross his mind at all...
I have to face reality that this is it..
Theres no way we are going back together..
Coz in his heart.. theres already someone else to replace me..
Am i that insignificant that she can replace me that easy?

To know whether he still loves me or not doesnt matter anymore..
Becoz its over...
Thank u for loving me once..
Although u never keep yr promise to hold on.. I did..
I hold on to u till the end...
No matter wat ppl say i still loves u..
But all i can do now is love u as a friend..

I not keen into getting myself into a relationship now..
But i will accept another again..
Theres ppl still loving me even if u dun...
I will move on..
Im sorry my love is not strong enough to keep u...
Im sorry it lasted only two years..
But two wonderful years..

All im asking now is not to appear infront of me with her..
I dun think i can take it...
Im not as strong..
If u ever love me before...
Dun hurt me anymore..
My love for u is true...
So true...

I will slowly forget u...
Becoz theres nothing for me to remember anymore..
I will step again on paths we walk together once..
This time.. im sure i will be smiling instead of crying..
I love u...
I really do...
Take care my love...
There is a goodbye for us...
Now it is...

Helloo ppl......
Yeah.. Yeah..
I finished my work already...
Getting better each day..
hahahah...

So while waiting for the closing aunties,
I can update my blog...
Hehehe...
I was actually quite sleepy..
But after drinking my self made Mocha.. (taught by shida)
Im so refresh !!
That leaves me thinking.......
How am i going to sleep later?
Hmmm...

I accomplish quite a few things today...
I rearrange My workplace's storeroom, Chiller and Freezer..
Which is not in my job scope..
And I did filtering of the oil vats !!
So proud of myself...
Hahhaha...
Didnt want to sit ard and start thinking of unnesscary things..

Went to PS earlier on for lunch...
Actually... Town doesnt have much pizza hut isnt it?
Hmmm... Not as popular as Macdonald and KFC and long john ba...
Going for foot therapy tml..
Hope i dun chicken out...
Hahahah...
Will let u guys know how it goes alright?

I ask one question in my previous blog..
Would u choose to be with the one u love?
Or would u be with the one who loves u...
I choose to be with the one i love...
but sadly...
The person i love didnt choose to be with me...
Oh well..
Things dun always go yr way...

QUESTION !!
Can a couple be frenz after breaking up?
Hmmm.. i dun think so...
Matters will turn ugly..
Like in my case..............

*Yawn*
Im still at work now...
But im done with my job..
Waiting for the aunties to finish theirs before i can go..
Im suppose to help out if i finish early but wat the heck..
Im tired..
Hahaha..

Come to think of it..
Today is the first time i finsh my job so fast..
Hmmm.. wonder if i missed out anything..
Should be ok lah..

So sleepy..
Didnt get enough sleep yesterday..
Reached home ard 2..
Closing till 1245 but talk cock with ming and sheng till ard 1 plus 2
then ming send me home..
heheh..
then morning 8 plus wake up already..
Go sch to submit my report..
My last day going to sch already..
At last... I graduated from Ngee Ann Poly !!
Thats it for my studies..
Maybe will continue but at the moment..
I DUN THINK SO !!
hahaha...
Np brought me many happy and sad memories...
But its over now..

Lionel is back !! he's fetching me for supper later..
Another talk cock session.. hahah
going to be real tired tml..
Becoz going out in the early afternoon before work...
3 days closing can cry man..

Im going to be very busy with appointments from today..
Going keep myself busy so i wont think too much..
The only way to start a new..
But i still miss him...
Hopefully my pain will lessen as the days goes pass..

Sadly... I have been made a fool again...
Yup... A big idiot fool...
I choose to love the person..
But now i realize that it was all just a joke..
Im just a stupid joke in his eyes...
Wat more can i say......

Do anyone know how it feels to be ignore by the person u love most?
I can tell u.. Its fucking painful...
Its like time is fooling u while u wait for his reply..
I just want to know wat i mean to him actually..
But i guess it will always remain a mystery..

Im in pain now..
Trying to forget is painful..
If u love that person so much..
Would u bear to see her in such pain?
The answer is no..

But since im suffering like fuck now..
Obviously, he doesnt love me anymore..
Then why am i still hesitating?
I had been made the laughing joke of the century,
By the man i love most...
Thank u shahril...

I cried again today...
Till my eyes are so heavy..
Then wats next?
I cant go on like this...
If theres really a god up there..
Please end my misery...

Shahril... I cant tell u how i feel anymore..
Stop ignoring me..
It hurts badly..
Im so tired already...

Suddenly, i woken up from a dream...
So.. After all these months,
I finally realize im such a pain in the ass..
I wont be anymore..
Things said cant be unsaid...
Wat is done cannot be undone...

My world dun rotate ard one person..
My world rotates ard ME..
Its time to pack up my feelings...
My love, my emotional and move on..
Coz theres nothing for me to stay on anymore..

i wont say i hate him..
Coz i know i wont..
I wont say i dun love him..
Coz thats a lie..
Wat i can say is..
I stop hoping..
I stop wishing we were back together..
And i will leave him alone..
If thats wats he wants..
Then that shall be it...

He had live on with his life perfectly..
Having good times with his good time friends..
Its my turn now..
Shirmaine is not a nusiance to anyone..
Never will be...

Things i need to get back from him..
1. My time
2. My tears
3. My heart
4. My trust
5. My love

When someone changes his heart for u..
He's not coming back..
I have learnt it in a painful way..
I wish him all the best in his life..
Our story has ended here..
I dun want to be a fool anymore...

Im beautiful.. Im beautiful..
Its true..
U saw my face, in a crowed place..
And i dun care wat u do..
Coz u'll never be with me...

If u're not the one...
Im not anymore...

Today im being very emotional again..
I heard some things that i just couldn accept from him..
I know it isnt my business anymore..
And i shouldn interfere..
Im sorry...

Two person that once shared one life,
Suddenly live in two completely different lifestyle now..
But i cant blame anyone..
Sometimes things just happen without a reason..

I miss those days when we play in the rain..
Days when we spend all our money on movies..
Days when we spend the whole day playing at the arcade
Thrashing ppl in Puzzle Bubble, but got thrash instead.. hahah..
Days that we just spend time alone with each other..
I miss cooking noodles for u..
Although u would always nag me for being untidy..
I miss u holding me close telling me u love me..
I miss everything..

To say that im not waiting for yr call or sms..
Its a lie..
A big fat lie...
Everytime my phone ring, i wished it was u..
But to get disapponted each time..
Nobody know how i feel inside..
Nobody..........

I promise to move on..
I promise to get the FARK over it..
But it will all go back to square one when im alone..

B.. I miss u... Alot...
Take care..
Maine loves u alot...
Even till now...

Anyway... at least there still something to look forward to..
Lionel called me just nw..
He's back from his survivoral course..
Will be coming back from brunei on Monday..
Thats good news...
Missed having him round.. hahah..
See u on monday nel..

Yes !!! i finally got the skirt which i eyed on last friday..
So happy.. I bought it with two tops to go along with it..
I dun have any tops to go along ma.. so one shot i get together lor..
hehhe...

I saw this Espirt watch with kee lin at JP which is so bloody nice...
(although its pink in colour which is not actually one of my favourite colours)
But I LOVE IT !!! it cost $239 !!! goodness....
Should i or shouldn i get it? hmmmm...
HOW ?? why am i so broke?? sad......
oh well.. thats life...

Actually i have lots of pics to post but then..
im at work now u see..
and the computer here sucks !!
hahah.. so i'll upload it soon alright?

So i spent the early afternoon with kee lin..
Talking abt life and wats happening so far..
We both conclude that life is all abt waiting..
We wait for bus,
We wait for class,
Waiting to graduate,
We wait for love,
We wait for happiness
Waiting for marriage...
Shitty but true..
Wat if i dun want to wait anymore?
So Sick and Tired of waiting....

Suddenly, nothing matters to me anymore..
I just take everything as it is..
No point being a fool in life..
I dun want to be a fool no more...
My Life... My Rulez... My Way...

Yesterday after work.. i rushed down to town to get my sis's present..
My dear ashely accompanied me..
Ash.. U are the best !!! Muackz..
And yes ! i got it... I got my sis a LV card holder.. $290 !!
Very dried up now already..
but its for my sister.. my one and only sister...
wat to do...
Damn.. should have get the imitation wan instead...
Hahahha.. kidding..

Went to cine after that coz i suddenly have a mad crave for Chocolate cake..
At the cafe.. there's this girl sitting at the next table..
She keep playing ard with her hair..
And for yr info.. her hair isnt the silky type OK !!
Anyway, wat worst was she and her bf keep hugging each other..
For heaven sake.. GET A ROOM !!
Ok.... im jealous... SO !!
Hai..

So all we could do was take pic of us to keep our minds to ourselves instead of googling at them !!
Ash has a bf dun worry.. only me.. hai x2... haha
But im fine... Here's a pic of us at the cafe..
U look great ash... Dun worry... kekek..
I look funny though.. hmmm...



After finishing the delicious chocolate cake (which i only took ard 3 bites to finish it)..
We went to shop ard.. I saw this amazing skirt which i took a instant liking on !!
Damn.. Few reason i didnt get it..
1. i have no time to take a good look at it.. (was rushing off to a dinner date with my parents)
2. i dun have the money !!!
BUT !! im getting it next week coz i really really like it...
And most importantly........... Im getting my pay next week !! woohoo..
SHOPPING !! SHOPPING...
Plus.. BH (ash bf) kanna confine in camp.. so i have her all to myself !! yeah..
Im sorry i sound bad... BH, u wouldn mind right??? heheh..


So by 6 i have to leave town and make my way to Great World City to meet my parents..
My dad expect me to be there by 630 and when he says i have to.. I HAVE TO !!
but at 620 im still waiting for cab behind taka..
And u should see the queue.. 8pm i still will be waiting there lor..
Wat the fark !!
Starting to panic liaoz..
So i did wat most ppl would do..
I booked a cab..
Soon.. the cab was here.. but the booking fee was $4... and fee keep increasing..
When i reach Great World.. The total cab fare was $9.20 !!!!!
From town mind u... Which was like 5-7 min away?
It was farking ex lor...
In the end.. my parents was not here until nearly 7..
Should have taken my own sweet time..
DARN !!!! ANGRY !!



This is my Darling Billy Boy...
One day if he ever leave me..
I'm going to go insane..
I love him lots and lots and lots...
And yup.. He's Blind...
But still as adorable.. like me... hahah..

As per promise.. this is the pic of my mum's bday present...
Which i didnt have to pay a thing..
hahaha.. i sound like a cheap skate.. how unglam..
Nice statue isnt it? hmmm...

Im at work now and updating my blog...
I know im not suppose to be but...
Wat the heck... hahaha..
I actually have a badminton session with my frenz today but
Last minute kanna call back to work..
Sorry kee lin.. treat u eat Mac breakfast next time..
hahaha...

Last night... my mum opened her bday present..
A birthday present is suppose to be opened on the bday date itself isnt it?
Her bday is on the 22 of SEPT !!! wat the hell.. some ppl just dun have patience..
Hahhaha.. the present was wraped in a HUGE box which is almost half of me..
Ok.. im short... so wat !! hahah
So... it was placed on the floor actually..
her excuse to open it was... " if i dun open it, billy(my dog) will urine all over it.."
Kaoz.. just becoz my dog cant talk, everybody just love to use him as an excuse..
And he just look pahetic at us as though he was wrongly accused..
Hai... Poor Billy Boy...

Anyway... The present was a Statue of the Laughing Buddha...
For those who dun know...
He's actually a Chinese god whom always look very happy with his big belly sticking out..
I actually have a pic of it but i cant upload it onto the blog !!
Oh well.. My workplace Computer is platium 1.. wat u expect !!
Hahhaha.. i'll try to upload it later on when i get home..
Look out for it alright???
On the way i'll be putting my billy's pathetic pic too.. kekekek..

I want to thank my sis too.. coz the present was from the 3 of us...
Namely, me, my sis and neils.. but i dun have to pay a thing !!! hahaha..
its always this case.. i'll never have to pay for anything if its my sis buying..
Thats wat sisters for... hahah..
I LOVE U SIS !!! Muackz....

Im going to buy her present after work...
Hopefully its not too late..
Crossing my fingers......

Oh ya... and btw, i watched Bewitched yesterday..
Sad to say the two bosses of M&R PteLtd had an arguement over the rating..
M given 3.5 (its nicole kidman for heaven sake)
Whereas R give it 0.5 - 1.. which is totally unacceptable...
R is just being bias........ hahah

Im back !!
Finally... Its abt time isn it?
Hahhah..
Wat a weekend man...
Dun think u guys wanna know abt it..
U all will heartpain for me.. kekeke...

I change my tag board so its much neater and clearer now..
NO MORE COMLPAINS HOR !! hahah..
But...... i lost all my tags !!! so sad... sniff..sniff..
This year the NDP wasnt as amazing right?
I was walking along the "closed area" yesterday..
Only saw army tanks driving along the road..
And they closed the whole area !! very inconvenient leh...
Anyway... Wat so interesting abt it man ???
But still.. Singaporean still went to see see, look look...(kipo !!)
Cannot say ppl.. i also got go.. ( -_-") hahah..

Actually my main objective was to see the fireworks..
In the end i went to watch Charlie and The chocolate factory instead..
hahaha.. doesnt link right?
Oh well.... too crowded lah.. nearly fainted once due to over crowdedness(is there such a word? hahha)..
So didnt really wanted to go through that experience again..
Btw, the rating for the movie was 3.5...
rated by M&R pte ltd... hahah...

My darling sister is celebrating her 23th birthday this sunday (14/08)...
And i still have no idea wat to get her !!
Help Me !! Shit... Last minute again..
Everytime like that.. hai...

Question !!!
When things happen once without explanation.. its call coincidences..
But when things happen again more than once without explanation... wat is it called?
Is it just pure luck again? Or fated? think abt it.. hmmmm...
tough one.....

Hey guys.. I wont be blogging for the time being...
Gone through alot yesterday..
Fucked up day..
Will be back once i feel better alright?

Ril, i hate u for putting me through this..
For yr information.. I dun have to choose between u or my family in the future..
Coz the fact is that i had already chosen u..
Just that u chose to let me go...
U are the one who told me never to give up on us..
Look whos contradicting now...
I hope u are happy now..
Dun ask me to be happy anymore coz shahril..
U took my happiness away..
U give up on me.. i didnt give up on u...
I hate u...
And i'll NEVER forgive u..
Goodbye...


I'm so tired of being here,
Suppressed by all my childish fears.
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave.
Because your presence still lingers here,
And it wont leave me alone...

These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase...
When you'd cried i'd, wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream i'd, fight away all of your fears.
And i've held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have all of me.

You used to captivate me,
By your resonating light.
Now i'm bound by the life you left behind.
Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams.
Your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
But though you're still with me...
I've been alone all along.

Tick-Tock... Tick-Tock.... Tick-Tock...
This is how my house clock go... Every second seems forever...
Why does it take so long just to cross 12 o'clock..
But when the clock strike 12, that is when my heart will sink to the bottom..
The day i was avoiding finally came knocking on my door...
05/08 is the date...
My supposingly 2nd year anniversary..

I keep asking myself.. why is it only me feeling this way... dun he feel it too?
Why am i the only one going through this fucking feeling?
How can he enjoy his life so fucking much and im here crying myself to sleep?
Why? Why me?
Few months ago we were still planning wat to do on this date..
Ha !! look at us now..
How nice....

Im suppose to get over him by now..
Im suppose to be enjoying my life by now...
Im suppose to start looking for new love by now..
Im suppose to start flirting with guys now..
Im suppose to open my eyes and look..
Like wat he is doing now....
But i cant.. i just cant...
Why must i be the one suffering?

How can i forget everything?
Wat must i do to be happy?

I must stand up again..
I must be strong...
I must show everyone i will be fine with or without him..
I must learn to be happy again..
Becoz no one will ever take yr happiness away..
Im Shirmaine and no one will ever bring me down !!

im here in a class that i dont belong in.. hahaha...
Im in one of my good pal's (kee lin) OPC class.. just sneak in and hopefully
dun get chase out by the lecturer.. hehe..
ps : theres this one guy that i used to look at.. he's in the class too..
How lucky can i get man... hahah..

On my way down from my project room.. i ran into jonah...
he finally changed his forever dirty cap into a new and improve billa cap..
Nice.......... hahah.. he also changed his glasses..
Wah... intend to change into a new person is it??? hahha..
funny looking but quite alright lah..

the 5th is coming up.. A day which i'll never forget..
Each day passing towards it suddenly go so slow....... so torturing...
I used to look forward to that day but not anymore..
Its a day which i now wish to delete from the calender but i cant..
oh well.. i'll just have bite my teeth and go through it..
everythings going to be just fine...

Lionel is in Brunei now.. Hopefully he's fine.. He have to go through
this training before becoming an officer in the army..
Im sure he's going to be alright... i guess...
i hope.....

Goodness.. I noticed that my blog for july is quite sad isnt it? Always abt him him and HIM !!
MAINE !!! Get the fark over it !!! Time to enjoy yr life and stop thinking.......
I will now i guess.. coz at the point of letting go.. i feel much lighter...
Hope the feeling is not temporary !! haahaha...

The song The One U Love by Glenn Frey.. Anyone heard of it before??
A question is asked in the song...
*Are u gonna stay with the one who loves u...
Or are u going back to the one u love...*
hmmmmm..... which will u guys choose???
To be with the person u love deeply or be with the person who loves u deeply??

Different ppl got different choice ba...
Most of them say.. Of coz will choose the person who loves u more lah... but then..
Will u be happy after that?
Or some ppl (like me !!) choose to be with the person they love..
But in the end, will they get the attention and love they needed from them??
Sometimes, loving someone so much is damn tiring...
Tough choice actually......

Life is all abt choices.. No choices then it wouldn be call life !!
Isnt it?